I think I've been caught up on the "noble" view of Eudaemonic happiness. I still value it, but when The Atlantic column mentioned 'looking down' on the other philosophy, I felt guilty of judging...even of judging myself, which according to self-compassion expert Kristin Neff, self-criticism is NOT a virtue...listen to her on this episode Hidden Brain. 

So be kind to yourself. And during a period of grief, allow compartmentalizing our painful thoughts because that seems quite Epicurean to avoid mental anguish.

last Summer of 2021, after hearing the self-compassion lesson from above, we decided that we should reduce our "shoulds". Reinforcing this was an article today, Jan 4 2022 : How Hobbies Infiltrated American Life - The Atlantic here is an excerpt:

the pressures to be productive are still with us. Imagined audiences are with us. The yoke of should is a heavy one, and it can weigh down even the things we love.

The message that a hobby is the best way to spend one’s free time is also a message about what you should value most in life: hard work, achievement, productivity. Those aren’t bad things, but are they really more important than relationships, contemplation, and rest? Hanging out with your friends, caring for your family, enjoying creature comforts, replenishing your energy—these may not make for a unique fun fact to whip out at parties, but they are good for the soul.

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Ok...i'll try to let go and enjoy